I’ve been thinking about something a lot lately – and it has very little to do with running.
Loneliness.
We’re living through a time that many mental health experts have labeled a “loneliness epidemic.”
Yet I think it’s more complicated than just “loneliness.”
Loneliness has been around for a long time – at least longer than most of the people reading this email have been alive.
I mean, for tens of thousands of years, the idea of “loneliness” – at least as we discuss it today – would have been fairly ridiculous to most people.
We lived in multi-generational households where it would have been damn-near impossible to be lonely.
There was also zero privacy – which is to be expected when you cram ten people into a shack.
And just because I know someone is gonna think something along the lines of “but the stoics talked about loneliness…”
Yes, they did.
Marcus Aurelius was also the richest person alive and had singular control over a substantial part of the planet.
Which is kind of the point.
As we became wealthier as a society and learned to do things like store food and travel quickly, we started to move out of the multi-generational shacks and into single-family homes.
Great for privacy.
Not so great for loneliness.
But that happened a while ago – maybe not so long in terms of human existence, but definitely before most of the people reading this post were alive.
So what’s changed?
The internet.
And before I go any further, I’m not here to paint the internet as some purely evil phenomenon that needs to be forever banished to the depths of hell.
That’d be a bit hypocritical, seeing as you’re probably reading this on the internet…
Yet I do think we should better recognize some of the downsides to our current technological society.
One of which is the disparity between loneliness and connection.
In the past, when we were lonely, we also lacked connection.
You felt lonely because you didn’t spend any time with people and if you wanted to change that, you’d find ways to spend more time with people to try and feel less lonely.
Or you became a hermit.
Which is a cool option, but probably not the right choice for most people.
Now when we feel lonely, we go on the internet and either observe other people or talk to robots.
At best, we talk to people with our thumbs through a form of asynchronous communication that completely lacks nuance.
And I think there are a lot of problems with this.
For one, people are rarely their full selves on the internet. It’s also typically a one-to-many conversation. As a result, we don’t develop full, deep relationships with others, but instead we create one-sided, parasocial relationships that never allow us to actually get to know another human being.
It’s also a lot easier to be mean to people on the internet because we don’t view them as a person.
How often do you say something in your car about another driver that you wouldn’t say to their face?
While that might be cowardice, it’s more likely that your brain doesn’t recognize that metal box as a person – especially if that metal box just did something you felt to be threatening. You just see a big metal box that did something you didn’t like and it leads to a reaction you wouldn’t have if you were staring someone else in the eyes.
And that’s just a couple of the problems with our current system of interaction.
I don’t even want to start on algorithms that are designed to do nothing more than keep you on a particular platform as long as possible… but they definitely make this entire problem worse.
Suffice to say, for the first time in human history, we are both unbelievably connected and incredibly lonely.
And the connection serves to mask the loneliness.
At least initially.
You think “I talk to all these people…” – but it’s not really the same thing.
It doesn’t actually serve the same purpose in your brain, no matter how much we might wish it did.
To get past loneliness, we actually have to do things with other people.
Which is becoming increasingly difficult because in-person things are starting to disappear in favor of online things.
And this is where this kind of relates to running.
One of the ways I’ve always connected with other people has been through sports.
I played team sports all the way into my late 20s and it was one of the primary ways I met other humans.
Then, around the age of 30, I started running.
I was incredibly busy at the time and one of the biggest selling points of running was the fact that I didn’t need to depend on anybody else to do it.
While I didn’t realize it at the time, this led me to follow some of my natural inclinations as an introverted human and disconnect from others.
I know I’m not alone here.
I talk to people all the time who use running as a way to escape from humanity and yet wonder why they’re so anxious and depressed.
(It’s because they’re really fucking lonely.)
Yet it doesn’t have to be that way.
For example, Salt Lake has a ton of running groups – I just haven’t really bothered to get to know them.
There’s a range of reasons for that – some good and some bad – but a lot of it’s just a lack of effort on my part.
I haven’t tried to make this sport social because it wasn’t necessary in order to improve at the sport.
But it would probably be a lot more enjoyable if I made a bigger effort to join those things.
Not every run.
Not every day.
But you know… ever.
Now if you’ve read this whole post and it seems like the ramblings of a crazy, lonely human…
I’m really happy for you.
But a lot of people are deeply lonely.
I have a good base of close friends and I still feel it somewhat regularly. I can’t even imagine how it would feel to be in the 10% of Americans who say they don’t have a single close friend.
So if you’re feeling lonely, maybe try to tie in some human connection.
Hunt down a running group.
Do more races.
Get a buddy to join you on some of your adventures.
And as my therapist reminds me regularly – it doesn’t need to be perfect. Any step forward is still a step. You can join the group and not do anything with them for weeks and you still did something positive.
I realize the idea of “social running” isn’t novel to a lot of the people reading this, but if it helps even one person take the leap, then it was worth writing this long piece of rambling nonsense.
There’s a reason why I try to prioritize group runs for the people I coach.
Because if you’re still doing things with real human beings in 2025, I want to support that.
The modern age is weird.
AI and the algorithms are definitely playing a larger role in our lives than is probably healthy.
So if we can get out and do real human things with real human beings – whether that’s grabbing a cup of coffee or joining a track workout – then that’s probably a good thing for us to do.